The Weekly Hangover is a gathering place for all the miscellaneous news, blog posts, and articles that were interesting and sports related, but yet not quite enough so for me to bother clambering down into my mother’s basement to write about. Served with a heaping helping of sarcasm, market price.
* It’s reported that Hooters girls will be wearing their tanktops at half mast this week as it’s been announced that John Daly will no longer be plying his trade as a professional golfer. “I’m done,” a forlorn Daly said in the Torrey Pines parking lot. “Just can’t play like I used to. … I’m tired of embarrassing myself.” With as much seriousness as I can muster, it has to be a bit tough being John Daly – the meteoric rise paired with the demons he’s battled throughout his career and the expectations that perhaps he was never ever meant to reach. Just because you can crush a golf ball a thousand yards off the tee doesn’t mean you’ll be a supremely successful pro golfer – it just means that with enough of a short game to get by, you’ll make the tour. Even with everything that’s happened, I can’t be all that sad for John – the man won a couple tournaments, made some cash, and had some fun.
* Kurt Warner announced his retirement last Saturday, ending an NFL career that might as well have been written by Disney (no guarantee they won’t sue for some type of copyright infringement). Dude went to a smallish college, played in the Arena League when the NFL didn’t want him, bagged groceries, and only got his shot at the age of 28 because the starter went down. Since then, he led the Rams to a Super Bowl in his first year, won a couple MVP trophies, went to another Super Bowl with the Rams (where thankfully, Mike Martz forgot he had Marshall Faulk on the roster), went underground with the Giants, and then re-surfaced with the Cardinals before taking them to a Super Bowl and breaking some more passing records. Say what you want about the guy, but is there any doubt this guy has been blessed – call it luck, call it karma, call it whatever you’d like – but “charmed life” doesn’t really cover it, does it? And yes, he belongs in the Hall of Fame, without question. If you can make a case based on a combination of what they did combined with what they would’ve done (aka “The Gale Sayers/Terrell Davis defense”), then there’s certainly room for a guy who got a late start and then proceeded to maximize the living hell out of the chances he was given.
* How have I managed to neglect hockey so far this month? Oh wait, the Bruins kinda suck. Nevermind. Anyways, here’s something to tide over the puckheads out there…
* Absolutely enjoying the awkwardness of Da Bears pretending that hiring Mike Martz was some kind of dream come true rather than what it really was – desperation and a lack of options. They sniffed around anyone and everyone who had any kind of connection to Jay Cutler, then lowered their standards to anyone who had experience as an offensive coordinator and was available, to just stopping people on the street. I’d started freshening up my resume in anticipation of Chicago’s call upon learning of my unprecedented four consecutive undefeated Madden seasons – had my power tie picked out and everything. Martz was the only guy left, had a connection to Lovie Smith, and was the best option they had left to sell to season ticket holders. Of course, this will probably end badly since Mikey hates running the ball and would gladly pass into the first ever 10 DB defense without a second thought. Yeah, that’ll work well in a town that prizes defense and running the ball – especially when Cutler is throwing his umpteenth interception of the season and Matt Forte is asking for a trade.
* And because the Pro Bowl couldn’t possibly get any more ridiculous, why not just boot one of the players off the team? Bryant McKinnie of the Minnesota Vikings got himself sent home from the game when he apparently forgot there were meetings and practices leading up to the game. How stupid you gotta be to get fired from work on your day off?!
* And because this week just wouldn’t be complete with some Rick James, I present to you the one piece of video evidence that makes R Kelly’s “In The Closet” look like The Godfather Parts I & II… “Glow”…
* What, not sports related enough? All right… how about Peyton Manning cussing out his runningback for missing a block in the middle of the play? Enjoy the game folks and see you on Monday.
