The Weekly Hangover is a gathering place for all the miscellaneous news, blog posts, and articles that were interesting and sports related, but yet not quite enough so for me to bother clambering down into my mother’s basement to write about. Served with a heaping helping of sarcasm, market price. This week, we’re doling out an extra helping since it’s been a little… you’re welcome.
* Frank Thomas is retiring from baseball, which was news to me since I didn’t know he was still technically and active player. Well, turns out The Big Hurt had a little help with this decision, considering no one in their right mind outside of the California Penal League was interested in his services (he sat out last season for the same reason). The four-letter story calls Thomas “arguably the greatest player in White Sox history”, which is true in two ways: he was a great player, and yes you will probably find someone ready to argue the point with Carlton Fisk being the name that’d be mentioned first.
* First rule of Super Bowl party etiquette: always leave when the host asks, otherwise you may find yourself missing some vital equipment the next day. Now, I’ve had houseguests who didn’t want to leave before, but I can’t imagine being so mindlessly pissed that I’d puncture their testicles with my fingers. The only thing that’d make this story even more horrifying was if both men were stone sober when the “incident” (*shudder*) occurred… although I’d be willing to bet at least one of them sobered up pretty quickly afterwards…
* University of Oregon: Churning out douchebag runners since 2009! Tailback LaMicheal James found himself on the wrong side of a jail cell when he allegedly assaulted a woman after an argument outside his apartment. What a punk. At least the guy he took over for had the testicular fortitude to punch a guy instead of being a coward and going after a woman. Any chance he might get extradited to Florida and share a cell with the guy from the previous item?
* Randy reads the writing on the wall, and it doesn’t look like it says “C’mon back now, ya hear?” In what passes for a moment of clarity for professional athletes, Randy Moss has said that this coming year will more than likely be his last with the Patriots. I agree with all his points, I think he needs to continue that clarity by realizing that the reason New England won’t pay out for him is that he’s getting older, he’s gotten a bit slower (although he’s still faster than 80% of the corners in the league), and that the biggest factor is that he wears down towards the end of the season each year. It’s tough to invest a ton of money in a guy who can only give you 12-14 solid games per year from September to November when the goal is to play in 19 through the beginning of February.
* Who knew? The one moment from the Olympics that made me get a little misty would have to do with curling. With their team down and needing a rally to get past Great Britain, most of the crowd belted out an impromptu version of “O Canada” – delaying play until they finished. I’d say it’s second only to when the Edmonton crowd took over singing during pregame against the Ducks in the Stanley Cup Finals back in 2006 (the game after Anaheim fans punked themselves out by booing the Canadian anthem the game before).
* The Chargers released LaDanian Tomlinson, which means he’ll have to find some other city in which to sulk on the bench during a loss. In all seriousness, it’s tough watching someone like Tomlinson decline and fall out of the game – in his prime, there was no one better and the sheer numbers he generated in San Diego are mind boggling. What makes it even tougher is that he seems to think there’s more tread left on the tires than anyone else does – he’s on record saying he still feels like a feature back and doesn’t want to be a back-up. Kudos to the Bolts for parting ways early in the offseason and allowing the guy a better chance to catch on with another team.
* American football in the Winter Olympics? I respect the heck outta MJD – both his skills as and perspective as a writer and the success that he’s attained – but I’m not sure on this one. Your thoughts?
* The NFL won’t punish Oakland Raiders head coach (for the time being anyways) Tom Cable after allegations of spousal abuse and assault against an assistant coach in training camp brought no criminal charges. I’d say the whole thing is embarrassing for the Raiders, but after years of wallowing in their own filth at the bottom of the league and completely screwing up on every possible level, it’s hard to find new levels of shame and humiliation. The ones who could come out looking badly is the NFL in general and Roger Goodell specifically because the assistant in question, Randy Hanson, is filing a civil suit against Cable for damages. I mean, the guy’s jaw didn’t just break on its own, and if he’s found guilty in the civil suit it will show some level of responsibility even if it doesn’t entail jail time. Which would mean that the NFL is willing to fine players thousands of dollars for endzone celebrations that cross the line, but aren’t willing to police their head coaches when they pound the living tar out of their co-workers. You stay classy, NFL.
